My initial thought was to just list the comments on their own, but I decided to save you all a call to CPS and provide some explanation.
- Don't sing about your penis! When he was about 2 1/2, Oliver was always making up little songs. I loved it! It was so cute, until one day, he started singing about his penis. I was not about to let that happen, so before he could even finish the first line of his little ditty, I hollered this phrase across the room. My next thought was, 'I'm going to have to put that on a list of things I never thought I'd say! Almost two years later, here it is.
- No, you may not swing from the cord of the mini blinds. This one comes with story. After receiving this as the answer to his question, Oliver decided to try it anyway. It did not go as he planned. He jumped from the bed with the cord in his hands, luckly he didn't pull the blinds down! And he did land with his feet on the floor... mostly. His pinky toe landed just inside the slit of the laundry basket, shaving the skin clean off the inside of his toe. He hasn't tried it since then.
- Don't bit your bother's butt. What can I say, they'll bit whatever is most convenient to chomp onto.
- Just go eat the food off the floor. In my defense, I only say this when I know the floor is clean...which isn't often, but also...they throw perfectly good food on the floor...seriously, we could probably feed another small family with what I sweep up and throw in the trash can some days. So occasionally, when they are begging for food as I'm getting dinner ready, I just point them toward the perfectly good snack that they dejected just an hour ago.
- No, don't hit Mommy; go hit your brother All three of my boys own swords. Sometimes they have good spirited, friendly sword fights (other times its not so friendly) Occasionally, I get added into the sword fight, except I don't have a sword, so I just get hit! Hence, this comment. I promise I don't normally encourage my sons to hit each other. But when this phrase came out of my mouth, I thought...That's got to go on the list!
- Yes, Mommy pees out her butt. By the time Oliver was 2 1/2, he knew that boys have penises and girls do not. He also knew that mommy is a girl and that she sits down to pee (like he does when he poops). He drew some of his own conclusions and would occasionally remind me, "Mommy, your a girl, so you don't have a penis, so you pee out your butt." I do not feel the need to clarify to him further, so Yes, Mommy pees out her butt.
- No, you can not help me with the dishes! Sometimes I do let them help, sometimes I even put some water in the sink with some dirty bowls and spoons from breakfast and let them go crazy while I enjoy some quiet time with a book, but sometimes...I want to just do the dished without turning the kitchen into a swamp.
- Because I said so! I hate it that I say this. I never thought I would...but with a very logical 4 year old asking why...a lot...sometime this frazzled Mommy can only come up with: Because I said so!
- How did you get the potato masher tangled in the blinds? OK, this one I've only said once, but come on...I'll bet none of you have said it!
- Why are there dirt socks on the book shelf every time I walk by it? I'm serious...every time!!
My apologies for the P**** word so often in my blog...we teach out boys to call it what it is, and not come up with some funny little name for it. I don't really intend for it to come up so often, but with three little boys...it just does.